Comic 889: Teenage Mutant Ninja Uselessness

[Finally, noted #xkcd-sucks lurker "Seth" has sent me this review, also, for some reason, which, okay. -Ed.]

Okay, so.

This comic is cool. Like first there's this guy and he's all "BLARG" about his computer or whatever. Then there's this turtle see and it's all "I'm a turtle" and you better fucking believe it was a turtle because that's how Randall drew it n' shit. I mean if it weren't a turtle why would it look like one and for that matter think that it was one it doesn't make any sense. Also okay so then there's another frame and the turtle just is all like check it I'm a fuckin' turtle and then there's another frame and the guy's like here it is or some shit you can't even see if it's a guy maybe it's a girl or like Megan or something (she's the blonde one right?) and shit. So then there's another panel and it's 50 years in the goddamn FUTURE and that fuckin' turtle is still sittin' there doing his turtle thing. Fuck that's awesome. And to top it all off the turtle's still all "I'm a turtle" and shit. And then like at the bottom the caption's all "Turtles have it figured out." Fuck yeah they do.

'Cuz I mean like what do people know. Do they ever like stop and think, "I'm a person?" I doubt it. They're too busy worryin' about shit that don't make sense. Like who cares about Martin Luther or like the Johnson account or some shit. Maybe you're a lady and thinkin' about lady junk who knows. But I doubt you like, stop and appreciate the fact that you're a person. You know? It's just criminal, man, how we go about our lives with our heads to the ground and not realizing who we are. But fuck that, the turtle knows who he is. He's a motherfuckin' turtle, and he's got that shit down pat. Can you believe that? Also he's like at least 50 years old and he still knows who he is. Man. Fuckin' amazing is what that is.

So yeah anyway I thought the comic was cool. I mean you don't get that kinda deepness from everyday stuff, you know? It's like just, really cool. I mean all the allegories and shit. Like with the guy (or girl?) offscreen. He's just worryin' about his computer and he's got a fuckin' turtle just running around his house. Like what the fuck. You're so focused on your little computer you don't appreciate the fuckin' shit goin' down around you, like the fact that there's a motherfuckin' turtle just sittin' there doing his thing. How do you not even notice that.

I wish I could draw as good as Randall. I mean, look at that turtle. I can't draw a turtle like that. I used to want to draw and shit but I never got into it. Just too busy looking for shit that I wasn't gonna find and didn't matter anyway.

You know what? Fuck that. I'm gonna learn to fuckin' draw. I'm gonna take an example from that fuckin' turtle and just do what I wanna fuckin' do without worrying. None of this stuff matters anyways so might as well chill like the turtle and start fuckin' drawin'. Maybe I'll draw a turtle sittin' all chill and doing his own thing. I'm not gonna be like that man or woman or manwoman because if you wanna be that too that's cool. It's good to fuckin' know who you are, take a page from that turtle there and just know. I sure am. Thanks Randall and thanks turtles everywhere.

I need to go find a pen.

-Seth