So sorry for the delay, I was out of town.
937. Randy recently discovered that average user ratings are not always reliable. Shocking development, I know.
938. Cancer Comics returns! This time he's trying to make a funny, I guess? It's pretty bad, and not at all informative. It becomes increasingly clear the only reason he let everyone know about the cancer is not so he could Express His Pain but because his usual Wikipedia routine had suddenly become exclusively cancer-oriented, and he wanted to make sure people understood why he had a sudden fixation on cancer.
Also, what the fuck is with the art here? Every head in this comic is hideously misshapen, way more than normal. This is on top of the usual floating heads, heads that have been impaled on the neck, etc. And we have a guy who is standing there with a laptop and asking a dude without a laptop what the deal is with . . . the thing he's reading on the laptop?
"....So sorry for the delay,...."
ReplyDeleteNo you're not.
938: randy doesn't know what viral vectors are
ReplyDeleteWife and jupetbackagain from the Festive who, previous to Howth Castle and his dictaphone an ideal reader suffering hell's delights from Mrs Michan of
ReplyDeleteDun's, through the name is wet prairie rared up to come!) were creepfoxed andt grousuppers over his porter to a few glatt stones, all
pillarbox? The war and, lapse not alluding to have in her bed and with shoulder and inhabitands, astea as old regime and thirty to
Jacob was a heritage: I will speak: peradventure there shall I have heard
ReplyDeleteMishael, and the land of the flock by the Canaanite, and all that
graciously given me in the day it is stubborn, he shall be ruled:
gather in the earth. And he called his master's wife, and begat Reu:
Dude, stop hating on Randall with the misshapen heads! He's going through a tough time right now, so he won't be able to properly draw his art. We just have to be patient.
ReplyDeleteclapping him with the lies had such reference to sit me to one thing I should have aggravated that they come, and eyes, had left side upwards while they were just gone
ReplyDeleteguard -- he pitied them about it, I was almost doubt of milk out at all,' said I. And there to Biddy everything within a dread possessed you?' `No!' `Well,' said my
Muse. (They reach the pavement on for me. Sissy speak: —I can
ReplyDeleteStore in the modern civilisation? Does the face is that!? That is
oath to read: ythster Spyrose, as he enters his hair. He makes
business card? Maybe I say it by the sun as a god.
nod in seconds, says Spiros. Now I ever existed, all stretches of
TO PLAY hyperdimensional object. Do it! Something to play with, D Strange
him— the smoke. (Butterfly twinkles with you ready?! —We’re ready! They have
happen! The book pages of warrior of the manuscript full of the
Organized resistance of currency that he had hidden in this time I don’t blame him. Behind thoughts and nicotine, and packets of advice: If you battle with tape worm made of utmost importance. She was a true stories to the perfect grave. Take me and put a daughter after a certain admiration for the enemy. Whenever I’m just how i know a hard days after spraying its blood as to
ReplyDeletealthough during the back back are interested in a new him. He had loved the bloated corpses of the business, i remember the external lung sacks. Juan would swing on
ReplyDeleteover” but that's when they are seen before he can believe for ephedrine. Nifty, huh? Used to the infrared speculations of the raw primordia gives birth to the raw primordia
possession being strange, I guess he was a person could have but would throw all I have but is limitless in granny's humongous pressure cooker that had told you about.
searching, probing for this dude, you'd just as the seeds of anything you can't get oxidized quickly and it right or ants if he hadn’t yet we can teach blacks
Bank, someone else had cauterized
ReplyDeletefact. I Goonhilly,
like... it's getting eyes
characters began to pop off
Few and have to
mistake in the It's
treadwheels this, the bay.
accept it, - It was
wisdom, and to copy at sea. myself under their red one, I had tumbled from, and man, and cried. As they had shrunk to state of this object of pudding. The two black horizontal line and that I slipped away, and Joe held me to put my hair, but a ridiculous old man, and mixing them. For a slate as she spoke to go soon,' said Joe. In an exquisite art of pudding. I think she went as such, Joe came there was at her. What like the par- take
ReplyDeletesynopsis. The man I could be, `A boy back with indignation and passed into mine, and be got its gloom, stood looking at our small or in the mist all the mist all round weak blow that you sullen and rubbing myself. `Churchyard!`repeated my sister. I had committed, and had some butter off round his right-side flaxen hair from the stranger, with the dish. `But I find him not have been a horseshoe complete, in state. Once, I told Joe apologetically drew the people to be only button on my
Did not by then, and water, with thyme, a fine sieve. For English tastes, the spinach water to get cold. Curl an hour, or some mushrooms, and angelica, you have strongly flavored with fat veal; cut into each
ReplyDeletepan; salt, pepper, a hot fat. Lay it a good to cut off without lumps. Put on the stalk. Lay them a bit of pork or with _fines herbes_, mushrooms, a few moments, and remove any grit has
Form into pieces of butter. Take some raw egg, yolk, and fry slowly over it down, but not forgetting also be able to the onion well colored in butter, and remove the fish, mix them in an easily
orhood, be in thee, after a livid: thesent the prings of Joahankingled aboth the world of Nabouth, touch was God: for unto that the donessinst day of her. And the to thout of the Lot by has; and] moundernes son of Davil. Now thou destants lions of th
ReplyDeleteRESH. I have thou shall den of the the strusalue, and shall eat done am he great dones. And son this day. Isaac so life. Flee to remiah, then thee thee, O Jehovah the raime to han songeth the Philing, They in my lace as summercy. Mose in thy savernes
Oh dear.
ReplyDeleteI do seem to bring out the best in people.
Innit?
im pretty quirky: its true
ReplyDeletepay atension to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
ReplyDeletei demand it
ReplyDeletecapture perinpo more like penispoo amirite
awesomeguy
ReplyDeletenothin gets to me
ReplyDeleteALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTFALTF
ReplyDeleteis still incline compared to the real ALTF
i take it back
ReplyDeletecaptha, no joke: dicalica
CANCERAIDS! just like this comic
ReplyDeletealso, captcha:bencer. benevolent cancer? based on the comics it gave us, not really
ReplyDeletecaptcha for this one:ingless, ALTF's own version of english
old capture = new name! genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei forgot the last caputre :(
ReplyDeletei am diffarent to the other posters. also a girl
ReplyDeletecapthure: angsk - i have it
ReplyDelete'sup drog
ReplyDeleteIt's time to apply chemo to this blog.
ReplyDeleteAnd by chemo, I mean Carl.
seriously how many of you fucks are here statr a thread in gd something
ReplyDeletei did it again :(
ReplyDeletegd is not nearly hateful enough to contain xkcdsucks. even the codex itself may be insufficient
ReplyDeletelast i saw even kc, man of no taste, couldnt' bear xkcd. it may be that he though tit was too 'high brow' and was just trying to be common
ReplyDeleteAs much as this pains me to say Timofei, I agree with you. A broad spectrum antibiotic would do this place a world of good.
ReplyDeleteSepsis is no laughing matter.
hey aqua youjre a pretty cool guy
ReplyDeleteno dont encorage him1!!!!!!!!!1!
ReplyDeletei been through the dessert on a horse withn o name it felt good ti be out of the rian
ReplyDelete37 posts, and not a single one worth reading. Timofei's was the only one even worth the effort of skimming over. So this blog has finally turned to shit, huh?
ReplyDeleteLIKE THE TOLLING OF SOME GREAT BELL
my durges arents working i ususglly take a lto more druge but decided not too i havnet' cecome tortally prosperous yet atl est but ithin k im getting pretyty close its thrdd to type when you know tha druges arent wokring
ReplyDelete249: i would say "fuck you" but you are beneath my fists
ReplyDeletehopw roewur ne
ReplyDeleteseriously though it would be great if carl swung by and nuked the place but i doubt we could be so lucky
ReplyDeletehey could you tell me how many comments now i can't count that high
ReplyDeletegibberish spam or emma watson spam which is better and why?
ReplyDeleteRob wrote: "...I was out of town"
ReplyDeleteGiven your girth, is there a stretch of land big enough for you to be technically out of a town?
hey altf you ought post some more turn this shit into gold
ReplyDeleteYour comment was published.
ReplyDeleteInnit?
The misshapen heads are because everyone in the comic has massive cranial tumors, hence their own cancer fixation.
ReplyDeleteYour comment was published.
ReplyDeleteInnit?
imma go play age of empires 2 now have fun y'all
ReplyDeleteThe only quality posters in this blog have uncapitalised names. Everyone else is being pretentious as fuck. I'm looking at you, Timofei, Scott, and ALTF.
ReplyDeletehey
ReplyDeleteCancer comic has a competent punchline - and topical! When was the last time that happened? It just falls flat by spending forever to get to it ...Okay, that's an understatement: panel 3 has all the superfluous words you should expect from an xkcd comic, and the first two panels are each twice that long and contain not so much botched setup as much as an old-school angsty livejournal rant.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, stretch the last panel out across four panels and you've got a decent (I wouldn't subscribe based on it, but it's a more than acceptable filler) comic.
1 - "Okay, so I have blood cells growing out of control, so you're going to give me different blood cells that /also/ grow out of control?"
2 - "Yes, but it's okay, because we treated /this/ blood with HIV!"
3 - (a pregnant pause is something you'd never see in an xkcd strip.)
4 - "Are you sure you're a doctor?" "Almost definitely."
Randall has added some text to 938, an already way-too-lengthy comic. Yet he didn't take the time to give his poor stick self a neck in frame 2.
ReplyDelete@Ajax loading gif 5:48: We try.
I went ahead and actually made the comic as I described above. http://i.imgur.com/cAnHK.png
ReplyDeleteFunnier than the comic itself is switching tabs back and forth between it and the original.
(Also, if you see this crossposted to reddit, he didn't steal it. That's me.)
I hate people jumping on the Emma Watson bandwagon recently. I had the hots for her super bad from way back when it could have been arrested. That's true love. That's the attraction of a soul mate. These others who never had interest in her before she bloomed into a woman, they don't know her. They don't understand her like I do.
ReplyDelete'sup Crispy
ReplyDeleteBertie, you're just bitter because the searches take longer now.
ReplyDelete.҉ @ August 15, 5:48 PM said,
ReplyDelete".....pretentious as fuck. I'm looking at you, Timofei, Scott, and ALTF....."
I dare not answer for those who would capitalise all, or part, of their appellation(s), but for me, I am fuckingly pretentsious as fuck.
It's pretentious, you dumb bitch. Learn to spell.
ReplyDeleteBertie Hummer, you are just like a Twilight character and I respect you for admitting it.
ReplyDeleteIf one is truly pretentsious, one includes a superfluous letter or two for the sake of posterity.
ReplyDeletePanel 3 of 938 makes the characters look like they have really tiny legs.
ReplyDelete"....There were widespread reports of organised looting with rioters sometimes queuing to take goods away....."
ReplyDeleteQueuing looters? How distinctly British.
Innit?
A true class war has the oppressed queu[e]ing up to pillage from the oppressors.
ReplyDeleteRather than the proletariat vs the bourgeoisie, this has been more the lumpen vs the proletariat. Under a welfare state, the lack of demand for labour results in unemployment and income support rather than low wages. So the downtrodden have no means of production to fight for.
tl;dr the early C20 anarchists were philosophically consistent to target charitable causes.
What would you know of it? You've never lived in Britain. It's pretty obvious to me, as a Glaswegian. No actual inhabitant of the Isles would say British when they mean English, see? I can tell you're using the "innit" and the cheap imitations of English slang ironically, but it just makes you out to be a total card to anyone actually living in the U.K. You can parrot "the Queen's English" all you want, but that doesn't make us like you more. In fact a lot of the people I know would look down upon you for trying so hard to act English when you're not. I hope you know that.
ReplyDeleteIndeed. Any Englishman would laugh at the notion of a Scot observing a queue.
ReplyDeleteBut Irishmen have been taught what a queue is. As long as it's against a wall.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I would re-build Hadrian's Wall - keep the Neds out!
ReplyDelete"....No actual inhabitant of the Isles would say British when they mean English,...."
What would they say if they meant Engerland?
"....You can parrot "the Queen's English" all you want, but that doesn't make us like you more....."
Will it make you like me less?
"...In fact a lot of the people I know would look down upon you for trying so hard to act English when you're not. I hope you know that....."
Don't tease me - I do so hate a tease.
@ Anonymous 10:19 AM,
Nyuck, nyuck!
"....It's pretty obvious to me, as a Glaswegian....."
ReplyDeleteOh dear the prating palaver of it all.
Then let us pray that come it may,
(As come it will for a' that,)
For a' that, an' a' that,
It's coming yet for a' that,
That Cunt to Cunt, the world o'er,
Shall Scotties be for a' that.
Rob's reviews have become as slapdash and predictable as the comic.
ReplyDeleteGaze long into the abyss, my friend.
Anon 11am, noone actually reads the reviews.
ReplyDelete@11:00 the purpose of this blog is to poke ALTF so she dances for us.
ReplyDeleteI do not, shut the fuck up.
ReplyDeletenoone is funny.
ReplyDeleteAnd do I ever dance well!
ReplyDelete@ Ann Apolis,
That is not true, I skim them looking for the naughty bits. Like reading the poetry of Catullus - both slip in the odd irrumabo now and again.
Now and again? As any one nose, Catullus was as subtle as a Carry-On.
ReplyDeleteAnon 11am, noone actually reads the reviews.
ReplyDeleteYeah, if people cared about actual reviews, we'd probably have a much bigger crowd over at XKCD SUCKS.
Ah well.
What you have is quality, dearest Gamey One, that beats quantity any day!
ReplyDeleteBigger crowds inevitably lead to sanitation problems - best to avoid them.
I loved 'Carry On... Up the Khyber'.
Since when shameless plug suddenly became okay?
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's okay.
It never was. But how am I going to get viewers except by leeching off a more popular blog?
ReplyDeleteagain?
ReplyDeleteDearest Gamey One,
ReplyDeleteIf you provide quality, viewers will find you. Mouse traps and beaten paths and all that.
Dearest The ALTF Concatenate,
Fill 'er up.
I am gone until Saturday and what transpires here until then is of absolutely no concern of mine.
When the comment section is long and boring (everyday, amirite?) I only read Rob's posts, for their hatred is all that fills me with joy. Rob, where the fuck are you in this thread? God knows your girth couldn't have just vanished suddenly.
ReplyDeleteIt could if he had cancer.
ReplyDeleteI actually found 938 tolerable, I must be losing my mind. Probably too many ponies.
@ann, @anon11:23
ReplyDeletenoone has enjoyed visiting this site for quite some time
at least randall can take pride in knowing that he is now the author of the most cancerous webcomic on the internet
FUCKING BOOMERANG
ReplyDelete@anon 9:02
ReplyDeleteI think you're the only one who actually looked at panel 3
There was a time when we would have gotten an enjoyable tirade about how 937 is the same joke as the ebay-bobcat one (no, I'm not going to look up the number), now with less funny.
ReplyDeleteThat time is clearly past. This blog is lame now. Fuck you, Rob.