Sunday, February 7, 2010

Comic 698: No, You Shut Up

You Shut The Fuck Up First
Well thank GOD. I had gotten so sick of making fun of xkcd for dumb science jokes, or dumb internet meme jokes, or stupid Mr. Hat antics, I had forgotten the true spirit of hating xkcd. Luckily the ghost of webcomics past visited me and showed me this comic and I tearfully remembered just how bad a bad comic can be. It was lovely.

Because this comic is just terrible. First off, I am damn sick and tired of shitty xkcd breakup comics. There have been so fucking many of them, I just do not understand why anyone could not be tired to death of them. Is this one any different? Not really. We see people suddenly go from happy relationship to violent breakup and hatred. I guess part of the joke is how suddenly they break up, which is really more sad than anything else. But then the real point is that they can't even figure out who should hang up first even after their fight. Which...is confusing. Do they still want to be on the phone together? In that case, is the whole breakup not really meaningful? Or do they hate each other really, but in that case, shouldn't they naturally want to hang up in anger?

The problem is that it can't be both, and really, it can't even be either. But thinking things through has never been Randall's strong suit, so how surprised can we be?

Also, it's another comic where the alt-text is identical to the punchline.

Man, sorry I don't have much else to say on this comic - it's just stupid and repetitive. Anything I said about previous Breakup comics applies here too.
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here's a fun compare and contrast: Different takes on the same basic idea from my favorite and my least favorite comics. I, of course, think Tom the Dancing Bug did a better job, especially because it is presented as a satire of current events. But perhaps you disagree?
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Alright, i'm out of here motherfuckers - it's Poore week starting right now. brace yourselves. I'll still lurk around and help celebrate comic #700. But the minimum blood alcohol concentration is about to jump up to about 0.9.

when i get back: CONTEST!

57 comments:

  1. Carl how will the winner recieve the money cuz i'm in Texas

    Will Anons even get to participate or do I have to make an account to use for 4 minutes?

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  2. I feel like punching people in the fact too sometimes.

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  3. Jesus... are people who love xkcd completely impervious to realizing how lame and repetative it gets?

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  4. Just to be clear, can the winner get the prize money in $1 bills, so they can make a money fan and flaunt it by waving it in strangers faces?

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  5. The other thing about this comic is, it's the exact same joke I am sure everyone else has made about the "you hang up first" phenomena. I know I have, when I was 12, 13 maybe.

    On the knew one. I- I think I get it, but I'm not sure how Randall even thought it might be funny or interesting, and I can't quite put into words anything I feel about it.

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  6. Hey, that's not a REAL doctor, he's just some guy wearing a lab coat making up ridiculous nonsense.

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  7. did you know that disguises let you convince people you're something you're not? LOLOLOLOLOL

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  8. prizes: they won't be money, it'll be something I buy with money and send through the mail. You will probably be able to participate as an Anon but there will have to be some way of identifying you, somehow, no? So we know that you win, and know where to send the prize?

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  9. CARL CAN THE PRIZE BE A STRIPPER

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  10. i think it's a real doctor, but he's PRETENDING to be a fake so he doesn't get his medical license rejected

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  11. in fairness to the labcoats strip, it's not badly told. you get a "what's going on?" moment, then a seeminlgy unconnected statement, and then an "oh now it makes sense" moment.

    so it's not bad. EXCEPT for randy's example of how the lab-coat wearing tricksters abuses his power.
    disturbing.
    not disturbing enough to cross the line into dead baby comedy. and not wacky enough to just be humourous as a "ha imagine saying that and being believed because you are thought to be a doctor" idea.
    so just...disturbing.


    and also - stickwoman pregnancy? how can you draw that and not think "wait this is too weird. for the sake of my reader's sanity the least i could to is to poke fun at the weirdness somewhere".
    i got visual images of worm-like stick babies slithering out of the poor gal's ass/mouth/eyes (lower oneS? so there are multiple upper ones? OH GOD THE EYES!).

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  12. ok, I felt really dirty reading the new one, and not necessarily a "holy shit, why the fuck are there hand drawn breasts and vaginas on xkcd 0_0 wtf 0_o" type of dirty, this is more like a "I... am I supposed to laugh? I... I don't know... you are a sick and twisted person Randall Monroe." type of dirty.

    Before I read the text at the bottom I could not fathom what was funny, unless it was another of those "don't let idiots become doctors" jokes (yes that is all that NES cartridge blowing gag rang off to me as "dumbasses who would never make it past the entrance exams for med school") but then he had that nice line at the bottom and then I thought "wait, he's been through college, right? He's a Physics major or some shit, he would've taken labs right? I was in a Bio class where we grow weeds in lab and I had to buy a lab coat, what the fuck is he trying to imply?" Also, last time I was in a hospital (which was last August after I passed out from giving blood >_<) I noticed that EVERYONE WAS WEARING NAME TAGS. Randy, next time you draw a comic like this, either make it better (somehow) or at the very least put a nametag on our impersonator so it at least LOOKS like he/you are trying

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  13. shoe

    sorry for linking this, it's been stuck in my head all day. newspaper comics are so fucking awesome.

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  14. regards the 'you hang up' strip: christ. read this, and then put on some leonard cohen, and compare.

    fuck.


    hell, or put on Don't Think Twice It's Alright, and realise dylan was younger than randy is now when he wrote that song.


    seriously, there's nothing there except a grasp for GOOMH, and the thought of anyone older than late teens getting one from this strip is just sa-a-a-ad.


    so is it that randy is now pandering to a teenaged audience (consider how high school level physics/maths have long replaced anything more complex, consider the FIRST robotics reference, consider the in-the-know nods to internet memes)?
    or is this strip for him what Don't Think Twice was for some genuine dude like bob?

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  15. This strip mainly reminds of phone conversations with my grandmother, who'd never ever actually hang up first. You'd just end up saying "bye" back and forth in perpetuity.

    That memory amuses me more than the actual comic.

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  16. I hope the contest is making the most fat jokes about Rob.

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  17. 699: the first comic in 3 months that made me laugh! Does this signal a return to form? I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUTTTTTT

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  18. Really? I thought 699 was creepy. Randy's used up his talking-about-women's-openings quota for at least the next century.

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  19. i haven't read the post

    but has anyone seen this?

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  20. 699 was a great idea and executed okay, but the example he used was just...terrible! Remember the other strip about how you can tell when somebody's pretending to be an expert (except for when they're an English major or something like that)? I'd imagine that something like that fits in this comic. Like...group of doctors are doing surgery, talking all serious-like with medical terminology, suddenly one guy says something totally whacko, gets the wut response, and then says "Incidentally, did you know that you can just BUY lab coats?"

    Yeh...there be my idea

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  21. Damn, that'd be much better.

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  22. JOKES ABOUT VOMITING BABIES. NOT BABIES THAT ARE THROWING UP. EXPELLING A BABY FROM YOUR MOUTH TO BIRTH IT. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

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  23. Wait, is that line supposed to be her arm or like...a maternity dress? I honestly can't tell. I'm going to assume her arm but then that means pregnant stick figures just look like regular stick figures so how the hell do they...

    God damn it I'm overthinking this. It's not worth thinking about as the comic is shitty and terrible anyway.

    Also, Tom the Dancing Bug is hilarious.

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  24. I liked 699, and actually giggled wickedly a little bit. It's by no means an original idea, but it's executed as well as xkcd has ever executed before; setup, punchline that recontextualizes the setup, and done. He doesn't overexplain the joke, there's nothing after the punchline...

    That said, it would have been funnier had we seen the look on the woman's face. But Randy doesn't do that.

    Oh, yeah, and 698 is total shite.

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  25. Pretty sure that's her arm. I had to look back at it to see what others were talking about. He always draws arms like that, though.

    I liked it. I expect this one to get jumped upon for the sidelong references to girl-parts, so I wish he used a different but equally ridiculous premise, but the execution was nice. The punchline was at the end, it was actually funny, and the alt-text fit.

    Incidentally:

    " (lower oneS? so there are multiple upper ones? OH GOD THE EYES!)."

    Nope. Lower oneS means there's multiple lower ones, not multiple upper ones. It does imply there is at least one upper one.

    Not that a baby coming out of her mouth is that much less ridiculous than one coming out of her ears or nose.

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  26. Except there's only one "opening" in the uterus.

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  27. 699

    awfull, cheap.

    Its like cyanide and happiness guest-posted on xkcd, but instead of Rob, Matt and Kris, it would be Randall, wearing their horribly mutilated faces as masks, masturbating.

    This clearly is C&H humor, raped by Randall.

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  28. have you ever considered that you've outgrown xkcd? You know, it happens to all of us, eventually. (except that twat who posted here a month ago, still enamoured with Star Wars.) Most of us grow beyond these little things.

    I wonder if you have the capacity to accept growth. It's true that some poor folks, clinging to a sense of nostalgia, refuse to let go of the toys of their youth e.g. reading comics. Perhaps you are one of those--afraid to admit that your wealth of experience affords you a broader perspective--afraid to move on.

    I have pity for you. There are so many things to truly be frightened by, it's shameful that you fear yourself and your maturity. You could bve so much more if you'd allow yourself to become an adult.

    Of course, being a child, you will deny all of this and come up with another pseudo-intillectual rant to mask your fear but it is plain and won't go away by wishing it. Dispelling the fear of adulthood begins by moving out of your mother's basement.

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  29. Today's word of the day, boys and girls, is "projection".

    Say it with me now, "pro-JEC-tion".

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  30. "...and showed me thing comic..."

    Proofread your shit.

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  31. Anon @650

    At least the typo hasn't made it to a shirt yet!

    http://store.xkcd.com/xkcd/#TechSupport

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  32. 5:09
    Dry those tears, man. Dry those tears.

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  33. @ Anon 5:09

    Wait, are you suggesting that by not having outgrown XKCD, one must be a child living in their mother's basement? You fanboys should sit down and get your story straight, I was under the impression that XKCD was "the most intelligent thing anyone will read today." Everyday.

    "Of course, being a child, you will deny all of this..."

    Hahahaha you're cute when you try to say that your arguments are untouchable.

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  34. Anon 5:09 has yet to outgrow making incoherent criticisms of no one in particular.

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  35. Ah, cuddlefish, cuddlefish... at least this time it's an original one, or at least it's the first time I see Cuddlefish #509's "silly critics, comics are for kids" argument.

    Also, it makes me laugh, but I'm not sure why...

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  36. The latest one just makes me sort of shudder. Why did he have to go with an OB-GYN? It could have at least been inoffensive if he'd gone with something that didn't involve making up up crap about the female anatomy.

    It is a well-drawn lab coat, though.

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  37. No, it's not. It looks terrible.

    captcha: gente. I be a gente.

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  38. By xkcd standards, it's a masterpiece.

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  39. Hay Guys, I havent skimmed the comments section for a while but I just noticed that the Gravity Wells Comic is now a poster.

    This amuses me, being able to recall how certain cuddlefish vehemenently denied this allegation,
    "But this is the best formaaaaaat- It's nooooot a posteeer!"

    Well. Fuck Them.

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  40. This made me throw up in my mouth a little: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQAk_T9SBbw

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  41. " Hay Guys, I havent skimmed the comments section for a while but I just noticed that the Gravity Wells Comic is now a poster."

    THANK YOU.

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  42. Oh hey, guess what else is a poster? THE MOVIE NARRATIVES CHART THAT WE ALL SAID WAS A POSTER GRAB.

    SUCK.
    MY.
    DICK.

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  43. I'm not surprised in the least.

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  44. Nor should you be! But all those people were like "NO IT'S NOT A POSTER GRAB BECAUSE HE HASN'T MADE IT INTO A POSTER YET" are now DEMONSTRABLY WRONG

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  45. (also worth noting are that he added negligible things to both of the posters so the fantards may well buy it just so they can jizz on the new words Randy wrote)

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  46. I went back to the Gravity Well comic post and pulled these up.

    Anon 7:32 Personally, I didn't smell poster grab. It seems like a logical way to present that information. If that breaks out of the standard panel style of comics, so be it.

    Anon 6:24 I would like to point out that the Lord Of the Rings/12 Angry Men/Primer comic was called a poster cash grab on this blog, and it is not available as a poster. I suppose that means it could've just been an unsuccesful cash grab though. But still, it's not available.

    Anon 7:19 Face it, dipshit, it could be a poster grab, it could not be. Stop trying to act like it definitely is. . . I just saying that he may have something to express that isn't best expressed in a standard* format. You're blinded by your hatred, which is a shame.

    In fact I'm pretty sure at least two of those (if not three) are all the same person. And now they are the ones who look like idiots for not realizing that the comics were obvious poster grabs.

    They are delicious words, they must eat them.

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  47. New comic was... actually pretty good.

    Well, after all the shit Randall's rolling out recently, this one's not bad. It has sort of the glimmer of the old xkcd's.

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  48. @anon 5:06

    There's a tiny flaw in your logic, in that I still enjoy the old comics. If I haven't outgrown them, how can I outgrow the new ones?

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  49. "Anon 6:24 I would like to point out that the Lord Of the Rings/12 Angry Men/Primer comic was called a poster cash grab on this blog, and it is not available as a poster. I suppose that means it could've just been an unsuccesful cash grab though. But still, it's not available."

    http://store.xkcd.com/xkcd/#MovieNarrativeChartsPoster

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  50. wait nevermind i am dumb sorry

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  51. it is an understandable mistake

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  52. I love how the breakup comic is basically Randall saying "Yeah it's a breakup comic but at least I had A GIRLFRIEND to base a breakup comic on, you FUCKING NERDS OUT THERE IN INTERNETS."

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  53. OMFG! I can't believe all these comics with PEOPLE in them! It's just a PEOPLE joke!

    And don't even get me started on PANELS! And TALKING! Jeez!

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